its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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