Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
