I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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