I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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