I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
