Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
