Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
