I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
