How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
