im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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