we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
