I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
