3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
