i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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