Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
