wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
sex in a hospital.. check
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Drunk is not a location!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
