i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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