I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
