Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
