i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
