Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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