From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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