I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
