so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
