3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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