i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
