Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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