i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
