well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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