call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
