Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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