i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My bed is full of blood and feathers
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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