just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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