Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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