Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
