**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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