Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
