great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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