If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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