He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
