My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
