You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
