the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Actions speak louder than pants.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
