When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
