I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
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if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize