I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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