cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
