I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
