I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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