You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
