I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
