After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
