I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
