In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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