Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
