This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
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I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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