THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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