A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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