wakey wakey hands off snakey
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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