I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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