I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize