I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
