I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
