and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
