she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
