i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
