i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
