no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
